Kindness In Conversations
How Do I Navigate Online Dating Interactions While Being Kind?
Allow time and space for conversations, and listen. Be open-minded and patient. Always ask if they’d like to share when the topic turns to a past relationship or other personal history. Keep in mind that asking for consent is imperative, even if you’ve been intimate with your match before. A person’s feelings about engaging intimately can change from month to month, and even day to day. The bottom line: always ask first. Read up on Bumble’s consent guidelines, and learn about asking for digital consent when your intimacy is virtual.
How Do I Know If My Connection Is Emotionally Available Right Now?
Expressing your own emotions to your partner is as important as understanding theirs. Begin with taking ownership of your feelings so you can create a safe space for your match. Above all, be a listening ear. Making an effort to understand your partner’s emotional landscape will help you move forward with greater compassion.
How Do I Kindly Communicate That A Match Has Misgendered Me In The Early Stages Of Dating?
If you were misgendered, start by telling your match that they used an incorrect pronoun or gendered language that made you feel uncomfortable. Focus on why it’s important for you to clarify your pronouns and gender identity. Remember that your date might have a complex relationship with their own pronouns, so be mindful of when and how you have this conversation.
If someone doesn’t have pronouns listed on their profile and you’re not sure, use their name. If you’d like to know their pronouns, simply ask them directly. You can also share your pronouns when you meet or talk for the first time, which may prompt them to share theirs, too!
Krit (He/They) shares, “One of the first things I let the person I'm talking to or dating know is my pronouns to ensure they don't misgender me. In a few cases when they still misgender me by mistake, I let the other person finish and then gently remind and correct them by saying "my pronouns are he/they". Sometimes I wear or carry things (badges/stickers) in which my pronouns are written, and I just smile and point at it when I'm misgendered. If the person I'm dating misgenders me frequently, I try to ascertain whether they don’t realise the importance of pronouns in general—or don’t realise the importance of pronouns for me. In the first scenario, I explain the importance of using correct pronouns in being respectful towards other people's identity. In the second scenario, I let them know that my pronouns matter to me and that I’d really appreciate it if they’d try to keep my pronouns in mind and use them correctly. Additionally, I would tell them that I feel valued when they use the correct pronouns. This has always worked for me so far.”